1 John 4:17 tells us, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.” What stands out in this passage is that as we go about our lives, God is perfecting our ability to love! Loving God and loving others is a journey. We are born with a sin nature that steals our ability to love one another with God’s perfect love. Once we invite Jesus into our lives, we begin to learn a new way to live! One marked by abundant grace, radical forgiveness, and constant growth.
I’ve been marinating on this truth because the idea that I’ve failed to love my husband well has weighed heavily on me. Guilt and shame have held me in a sort of purgatory. My pride told me that I should be better than I am. I should not fail in these certain sorts of ways, which held me back from accepting God’s grace. The truth is I am a sinner, and the only way I ever love well is when Christ’s love lives through me. Each day I am growing in his perfect love. Falling short is not a failure; it’s a chance to accept God’s grace and grow in a new way.
Thanks to God’s goodness, I have the strength to show up in my marriage again. Open my heart even though it’s been hurt and also has done some hurting. I am able to sit in that counseling session another time because we are still on the journey. The love God has given us is still growing more perfect. I haven’t exhausted all my chances because God’s grace still lives on. He is still rooting for us and willing to teach us more about His freedom and forgiveness. His love for us won’t fail; that’s the promise He makes to us all.
Have you felt hopeless, wondering if you’ve hurt the one your soul loves too many times? I’ve been there too. I’ve sat stuck in shame that said I’m breaking my home because something is so broken beyond repair in me. But I stayed, even when I wanted to go. I’ve leaned into God’s promises, and hope is replacing the despair that lived inside of me.
Here are some promises for your marriage you can cling to when you feel the only hope that your union will remain together is that God will do a miracle!
1. Love Covers Sin
1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Sin breaks things that God designed to stay together. Sin in marriage drives a wedge between your one flesh. It tugs at your heart and sells you the lie that the grass is greener elsewhere. It invites evil photos into your bedroom. It tells you that you’re worth more and should no longer put up with your imperfect partner. It lies and is the killer of love.
But God’s love is greater than our sin! God has given us the victory! Sometimes we can see the sin that gets in the way of our love and feel so very defeated. God promises us that his love is greater than our failings. When we invite him into the dark with us, he finds the light switch and turns on the lights. He shows us the way out, a way marked by grace, and radical forgiveness. God promises that his love is able to cover our sins when we both call out for God’s help in our marriages.
2. By Grace, We Can Approach Jesus
Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God invites us to confidently approach his throne of grace! Wow, what an image. His mercy is available to us when we are feeling overwhelmed by our emotional and relational needs; all we have to do is ask for it.
God promises to offer us the grace we need when we are in a time of need. Nothing is impossible with Christ! Do not give up hope for your marriage before going to God’s throne of grace and interceding for your relationship. God’s helping spirit is able to do above and beyond all we could think or imagine.
3. God Gives Us the Grace to Forgive
Mark 11:25 says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” To make a marriage work, we have to be willing to offer one million apologies and forgive one million and one times. At times forgiveness and saying sorry again can feel nearly impossible! The weight of the failures we bring to our relationships can get crushingly heavy. Yet, God promises that if we pray and forgive, he also will forgive us. Forgiveness is a great gift He gives us, the chance to try again each day. It’s the tool we use to grow in our love.
4. God Walks with Us
John 15:14-15 says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” Jesus was called Immanuel, meaning God with us. He told his disciples they were more than his followers or servants; they were his friends. God walks with us on this marriage journey. He strengthens us along the way.
When we feel weak, unsure, and out of ideas, God is there with us. In moments I’ve felt out of strength in my marriage, I’ve learned to go to God. To ask him to walk with me and show me his ways. To change our hearts towards one another and heal our hurts. He always shows us the next step forward.
When we are struggling, it’s important to seek God and others for wisdom. If you are in an abusive situation, God never desires you to stay. He wants you to find help, health, and safety. We have to trust Him with each season of our lives together.
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