I often hear from women who are with a man with whom they would happily spend the rest of their lives. Often, they know right away that he could possibly be “the one.” Unfortunately, sometimes the man doesn’t have this type of certainty. He often wants to move more slowly and just see what happens.
Understandably, the woman will often try her best to wait patiently for him to come to this determination. Sometimes, the weeks, months, or even the years begin to drag on and on. Sometimes, she starts to drop little hints that he doesn’t pick up on. When this doesn’t work, she will often start to dance around the issue. She may start to worry that he’s not as committed to her as she is to him. She can begin to think that she loves him more than he loves her. And that is usually when she just comes right and ask if there is any future on the horizon. And sometimes, she gets an answer that not only does nothing to reassure her, but it confuses her even more.
I heard from a woman who said: “I love the man who I am currently with. We have been blissfully happy for about thirteen months. We have closets and drawers at one another’s homes because we often stay over. Sometimes, if feels as if we are almost living together. And although I’m happy that he’s wants to spend this much time with me, I also know that I want more. I want a real future with this man. I want to be engaged and eventually married. But every time I bring up this topic, he changes the subject. I sincerely hoped that he would whip out a ring at my birthday dinner, but it didn’t happen. And he hasn’t given me any reason to think that it might happen in the future. So last night, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him what type of future he saw with me. I hoped that he would say that in the very near future, he sees weddings and children and a white picket fence. But this isn’t what he said. Instead, his exact words were ‘I don’t know what the future holds.’ Needless to say, this didn’t satisfy me. I pressed and asked him what this meant. He got very frustrated and responded that it meant exactly what he said — that neither of us knew what tomorrow would bring and that he just wants to enjoy today and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. My girlfriend said that this is a lame excuse and that this is code for the fact that he doesn’t want to marry me. Is this right? What does his words really mean?” I will try to answer this in the following article.
Not Knowing What The Future Holds Doesn’t Mean That He Doesn’t Want (Or Doesn’t See) A Future With You: I didn’t think that this woman’s friend was necessarily correct. While some men may use this as an excuse, this certainly isn’t always the case. Sometimes he means exactly what he is saying, that either he is not at the point in his life when he wants to think too far into the future or he’s not at the point in the relationship where he is thinking in these terms.
Sometimes, this doesn’t have anything to do with you or with your relationship. It has more to do with his place in life or his current attitude about commitment and marriage. Other times, he may have some concerns about the relationship that are leading him to just wait and see how things end up. Panicking about this or grilling him in order to demand that he explain himself usually will only make things worse. There’s generally a better way to play it, which I will discuss right now.
How To Best Handle This Situation: You probably already know this deep in your heart, but if you confront or pressure him, you only make it more likely that he will continue to pull away. Stop and ask yourself if his hesitation has anything to do with you or the relationship and if any part of it is within your control. If his concern lies with his lot in life or with commitment itself, then generally the best course of action is to strengthen your relationship as much as you can and to be patient.
If he has specific concerns with your relationship, then your focus should be to fix or overcome his concerns by making the necessary genuine changes that offer him reassurance. You probably have a better handle on what is behind his hesitation than anyone else.
So to answer the question posed, typically this assertion either means exactly what he is saying or it is meant to ask you to have patience while he either works out concerns about his own life or concerns about the relationship.