Almost all women have gone through this phenomena. You meet a seemingly great guy and you have a great relationship going. You enjoy the same things and have a lot in common. You go from the first few dated in to a real relationship. And that, all of a sudden, it happens – he starts to pull away. This can happen after the first few dates or after the three months or six months mark. This can also happen after 11 months have passed. So – why does it happen, what does it mean and most importantly – what can you do about it?
There are three top reasons as to why man pull away from a relationship. For the woman of our story, there is no apparent reason, but it appears that man have their own reasoning system. Men’s reasons are: fear of loss of freedom, loss of ability to be with other women, and the fear that you will change. Let’s have a closer look:
– Fear of loss of freedom: Men really like their space. If he has a certain routine like playing cards with his friends every Thursday night, or any other habit for that matter, he may fear that the relationship will cost him his freedom in that sense.
– Loss of ability to be with other women. You want to be exclusive, and he is really nervous about that. He asks himself: ” Is she really the LAST woman I’ll ever be with?”. With men’s biological urge to be with as many women as possible, this is a stressing thought.
– You will change. This fear is usually common to both of you. He is scared of the possibility that in a year or two you will not be the same woman.
Ok, so after we’ve looked into your guy’s fears, and the underline reasons he pulls away, what can you really do about it?
There are no magic solutions, but the absolutely worst thing you can do is become needy and clingy. By constantly harassing him with questions like: “what’s wrong” and “why are you acting like that” you are simply affirming the fears he already has and by that he will pull away even more. Another thing you do is you’re giving away all the power in the relationship over to him. Why would you want to do that?
So whatever you do don’t try to forcibly pull him back to you. In most cases this course of action will do more harm than good. It will show him that you are not trusting him to make his own decisions about the relationship, and this will push him away even further.
The right thing to do is to just let him have his space for a while, and not to pressure him. Men need time to process, and they fear talking about their feelings. He will talk to you when he is ready to do so, and you really can’t pressure him into it.
Being able to maintain that gentle balance is the way to bring the relationship back on track. Acting like a drama queen will have negative outcomes in most cases.