Are you spending time lately wondering if you partner is telling you the truth? Does your partner have conflicting stories that don’t add up? Are you struggling with a part of yourself that tells you there is more to the story?
It’s not uncommon as we begin the journey to self discovery that we find ourselves in relationships that are less than authentic. These relationships often begin to fan that flame of desire for complete honesty. We actually begin to hunger for it.
It’s a painful lonely place to be. In a relationship with a person that you know deep down you can’t completely trust. It’s even lonelier if we have left several times and returned to the relationship. Perhaps hoping that this time might be different. After returning again, many of us lost the trust of friends and family who were there to support us when we left. This isolates us even more.
It’s said that the average woman leaves seven times before she leaves for good in a violent relationship. Is lying violence? On some level it is. Many times those who lie to us use confusion to throw us off balance. This leaves us wondering if we are crazy? Maybe it’s just us. Maybe we need help. They may even tell us that we just have a problem with trust or that it is just our past. Those things may be true, but we do know an honest relationship when we are in one. If we do have a problem with trust or unhealed past relationship issues, that may have been exactly what allowed us to get into this new relationship so deeply even though our gut told us that something was off.
When we are in a relationship that doesn’t meet our needs, it’s a good idea to start where we are at. Start by learning to care for yourself. Take a look at your emotions. Find friends that you can trust, people who will listen to where you are at without pressure to make any decision before you are ready.
The secret lies in getting to know yourself. If you feel “crazy” and off balance or unsure what to believe, it’s time to bunker down and get to know yourself again. We each have an inner compass that guides us on our own path. Somehow we lost connection with it.
As you focus on yourself and grow where you are, one of two things will happen, either you will no longer need the relationship or the relationship will change. Remember, you do not have the power to change another person. The only person that you can change is you.
Here are some ideas that can help on your journey back to yourself:
Find an Al-Anon or Coda meeting in your area. Attend at least 6 meetings before you decide if it’s right for you.
Start a journal. This is a great place to explore your feelings. Many times I have been surprised by my own writing. Make sure to keep the journal in a safe place – away from prying eyes.
Call 3 friends a day. New or old. If you have begun going to a support group, ask for phone numbers. Use them. Make sure these friends are of the same gender (unless you are gay, then it’s the opposite) You don’t have to say anything in particular. Just connect. Ask them how they are.
Start volunteering a few hours a week. The universe has an amazing way of clarifying our journey while we are helping others.
Make art. Even if you don’t consider yourself artistic. Do not judge yourself. Art connects you directly with your soul.
Get physical. Not only does this boost your endorphines and fights depression, it also clears your mind of your present drama. Many find yoga a perfect way to connect physically, mentally and emotionally.
Eat healthy. This is different for each of us. Listen to your body.
Get enough sleep.
Clean your closets. By uncluttering your home, you begin to uncluttter your mind.
Meditate daily. Even if you start with 3-4 minutes. Make it a practice of sitting daily in meditation. Empty your mind. Many beginners start with counting their breathe. When you have a thought that pops in your head, don’t judge, just start counting again. This will change your life!
No matter what happens with your partner, you will benefit from taking these steps. You are beautiful and you are worth it. Love yourself!