Holding an open dialogue about sex and relationships in the black community is a complex issue. Intercultural and intra-cultural dynamics and ruptures impacted by the history of colonialism and slavery add to this conundrum. Black men and women become objects of desire and objects of envy and hatred based on their skin tone, hair texture and the influences of racism and sexism on their internal processes and personal life histories. Black people have in common the distresses caused by living in a racist society even though some may not be fully aware. So to whom do black people talk about sex, sexuality and relationships? What are the responses and what place does racism and heterosexism play in the institutional fabrics that mirror these issues? How do therapists support conflicts that include the impact of racism without exacerbating the oppressions?
There is no single black masculinity or femininity; however the intergenerational legacy of slavery and the influence of Eurocentric influence on identity has caused black sexuality to be homogenized. The emasculation of African males and maternalising and objectifying of females through slavery contributed to the distortion of emotional connection. (Scully, 1997) Models evolving from traumatic events were based on the inhuman treatment by the white master and his family and internalized patterns of suppressing feelings of love, grief and pain of any sort. Out of these heinous crimes emerged mythology and stereotypes that became attached to the western psyche. Nevertheless black love has thrived on the wellbeing and spirituality of the elders and the extended family.
Some individuals remain numb about sexual abuse within the black family due to fear of exacerbating the racism that black families experience outside of the home. The impact of sexual and physical violence lies deep in the history of slavery and has left an imprint on the self esteem of black folks. The black woman’s inferiority to white females is compounded by the use of skin lightening creams and hair straightening. In a Freudian context one might suggest that the African man and the African woman have both been castrated; therefore their relationships may forever be influenced by their history.In addition marriages between African slaves were not legally recognised.
Whether gay or straight, alienation from the family and cultural roots adds to the distortion of sexual identity and loving relationships. In some African and Caribbean countries homophobia is reinforced by legislation that permits annihilation of Gays, therefore suicide is often seen as a preferred option to sharing sexual identity with family and friends. In the UK black minority sexuality is virtually hidden. Whilst Patriarchy plays a role in supporting the expression of black gay men. it is difficult for black women in same sex relationships to live an open life, due to cultural shame and the threat of rejection from family and loved ones.
It is vital that professionals understand and address the impact of history, mythology and the intersecting dynamics of racism and heterosexism in the process of service provision to an already marginalized group. This is key to challenging some of the culturally embedded assumptions that normalize taboos and exacerbate the trauma underlying relationships with and between black people.