Domestic violence is one of the most complicated issues that our society has. We have been writing about the subject for close to a decade now and three things become clear. First, the incidence of domestic violence in the country remains steady at approximately one out of every six households affected. The second thing that becomes clear is that there are no easy answers. And the third thing that’s clear is that domestic violence shelters all over the country are full of victims.
One of the reasons that shelters are filling up is that even though the percentage of incidents remains steady, as the population increases, the absolute number of cases goes up and new shelters are few and far between.
If you are in an abusive relationship, don’t deceive yourself that your partner will change; chances are that will not happen. And if you think you can help your partner, chances are again not good that you can, at least not by yourself. If you have a restraining order against your partner, don’t develop a false sense of security. Law enforcement officials these days are overwhelmed and may not do anything to enforce the order even if it is violated.
Contingency Plan
There are several things that you should do if you’re in an abusive relationship to prepare for an emergency and then escape should you need to do so.
In preparing for an emergency, learn to recognize warning signs of anger and have some believable reasons for leaving immediately to defuse the situation. Have a Defensive Pepper Spray with you at all times for your protection against further assaults. Know one area in the house that you can go to if there is an attack. The room should have an outside door or window.
Preparing for an escape takes some planning which includes a trusted circle of friends or relatives that can help. Practice how you’re going to escape and where you’re going to go. Have emergency supplies of cash, clothing and important documents ready to retrieve at a moments notice. Make sure the car is filled with gas and facing an exit and know where a spare key is so you can get at it quickly. And know where a domestic violence shelter is and find out if they have room for you and any children.
A shelter can provide immediate protection for women and children escaping abusive relationships. They have programs that empower their residents and can help create a safer future through education and outreach to community organizations.
Don’t stay in an abusive relationship because you feel you have to. Help is available. It isn’t easy. But you may have to leave and start anew.