Are you one of the guys or gals that have been in a long time relationship without a proposal in sight? You think you’ve found the perfect one that completes you and you’ve thrown everything you have into them! They have become the center of your universe and you would be lost without them! People keep asking, “Are you still waiting for a proposal?”
I’ve been there and this is my story: I dated my current husband for a year before we moved in together. I met him exactly 30 days after signing separation papers for a divorce from my ex husband so I wasn’t in any hurry to rush into another marriage, so living together for a while suited me just fine. We had been living together for 4 years when I turned 29. I began hearing my biological clock ticking pretty loudly in my head and that can only mean one thing… a baby!
The first time my live in boyfriend, Kenny, who is my husband now, heard me say anything about a baby, I knew convincing him of it wasn’t going to be easy. Our friends had just had a baby girl and we were visiting them in the hospital maternity ward. My friend placed her precious little bundle in my arms and as I looked down into that sweet little face and smelled her baby powder and lotion I exclaimed without thinking, “I want one!” Well the look on Kenny’s face as he staggered back a few steps and looked at me with eyes as big as saucers told me everything I needed to know! This was going to take some work!
As soon as we were in the car leaving the hospital he gently says to me, “Lets not put the cart before the horse, especially when we aren’t even ready to buy the horse yet!” So the first marriage conversation began and it was plain he hadn’t even thought about proposing, much less marriage.
I was sunk. I realized I had spent 5 years making this man the center of my life and he wasn’t even worried about keeping me in his. That’s when I knew I wasn’t going to wait forever and I started changing how the game had been played. I wasn’t going to be the cute little cheerleader anymore, I was the player with the ball running for a touchdown, even when I got tackled every now and then, I’d get right back up and start running again.
You see nothing changes unless you change it. When you start changing yourself, it changes the whole relationship because you are interacting differently inside the relationship. When one person changes, the relationship has no other choice, except to change.
Change doesn’t have to be harsh, it should be subtle but attention grabbing. This is what I did. I started spending more time with friends and leaving him to get his own dinner a couple times a week. I didn’t spend my days off of work, which were sometimes during the week, cleaning the house like I normally did. I went out with friends and had fun.
I even went out of my way to talk more to men than woman in front of him. Never flirting but just being inquisitive. I know that got his attention a few times because he would say little things like, “Well, do you know Nick’s whole life story now?” I would just smile to myself and say something like, “He’s a very interesting guy, but not as interesting as you!”
He noticed the change pretty quickly and realized he wasn’t the center of my world anymore. He realized I didn’t need him to make my life complete, I could do that all by myself. He came around pretty quickly and started talking about having a baby and what they would look like. Which was a complete and total turn around from the visit at the hospital a few months earlier.
Then one day he asked if I still wanted a baby and I said, “Of course, but I want to be married first, so I’d really like to know if I’m wasting my time waiting for a proposal from you?” He said, “What do you mean, wasting your time?” Men! Even when you’re blunt and to the point if they don’t want to understand, they just aren’t going to!
I remember telling him, “I’m not going to waste my time waiting for a proposal, I’m a good woman and I will make a great wife and mother and that is what I want, so I guess you need to decide what you want and we’ll figure out the rest from there!” Then I left to go see a movie with a few friends. I left him looking like he’d been run over by a mack truck!
I just didn’t get it at the time but I’ve studied men and women in relationships since then and I get it now. At least for my husband’s type. He’s the type that hates to make major decisions. As long as everything is going along just fine, he sees no reason to change it. Well we were engaged within a month of that conversation and married within 6 months. We have been together for 24 years and married 19 of them. We have a 17 year old son who is our pride and joy.
Are you still waiting for a proposal? What type of man or woman do you have? Do they like that you are chasing them and that you are still waiting no matter how long it takes? The technique I used to get a proposal could be used for this type of person and any other type for that matter. You see when you start putting yourself in the center of your world they will see you in a totally different way. Sometimes it has a dramatic effect and get’s that ring on your finger quickly.
You may discover that you have more fun being alone and with friends than you do with your partner. You have saved yourself and your partner a lot of heartache and lawyer bills. Discovering who you are without your partner is key and it will also show your partner, you’re not going to wait forever and just may make you extremely sexy.
Sometimes, just openly giving your partner an ultimatum, like I did, can backfire and they will walk right out of your life. So making subtle changes and putting yourself first instead of them is probably best. If they do walk out, you have already made yourself the center of your world, so you won’t be totally devastated. Realize they weren’t meant for you and it’s better to be let down now rather than wasting any more precious time waiting for a proposal that you will never get.
If they try to control you and demand that you make them the only thing you care about and do anything for, then you really need to know this before you marry them anyways.
You want a loving, fulfilling marriage with mutual respect for each other, not one where you do everything for your partner and get nothing in return except blessed by their presence. Realize you are your own person and no one controls you except yourself and you will make a wise choice in a spouse.