All too many singles, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or straight, start their romantic relationships with exclusively considering their mutual romantic chemistry. Chemistry in a romantic relationship is, of course, essential, thank you very much.
However, when you are looking to attract, create, and nurture a life partner relationship, there is so much more involved that just sizzling mutual attraction. Am I right, or am I right?
Many couples will get to the next phase of a relationship right after that wonderful infatuation stage (caused by chemistry) has passed. And because they didn’t do any relationship communication foundation building, they hit a wall, find there is no other mode of communication in their relationship, and, sadly, they break up. There is that wonderful joke from the 1980s about what does the modern lesbian bring on her first date to make it a perfect first date? Answer: A U-Haul.
But, after the first surge of chemistry and sparks on your first few dates, what other topics do the two of you want to look to discuss, surface, and investigate to form the wonderful foundation for a lasting life partner love relationship?
First Question for Couples to Consider: What Will Be Your Mutual Living Environment?
What kind of living environment do you have now, and what kind of living environment do you want in the near future – next 10 years?
Maybe you live in a metro city apartment. However, your vision and goal is to own a townhouse and to move to the suburbs. Is her vision to live further out in the country? Discuss these things, and talk about your dreams to see if they are compatible and practically aligned.
Most often, frankly, two singles’ visions will be a bit different. This is not an immediate “red flag” or “sign” that you should break up and never build a deeper relationship. Instead, it offers the two of you both an opportunity to communicate and dig a bit further to see if your lives could become aligned. Maybe part of what she values about living in the country is some acreage and a garden, and you two could have that together in a small house rather than exclusively in a townhouse. Look for what is underneath her location desire.
A Good Second Question for Romantic Couples to Reflect Upon: What Will Be the Shared Lifestyle For Your Marriage Relationship?
You love Opera and hold an annual subscription for the season while she has a secret love of Country & Western music and sings karaoke once a month down at the local saloon. On the surface, OK, this is amusing and funny. You might think that your tastes are highly divergent and that you two could therefore then never share a life together. However, what you two do share is a mutual love of singing and music. See what I mean?
You would have to work things out a bit. Does she want you to join her monthly at the local bar? Couldn’t you just do that and just have a fun time, cheer her on, and applaud as her #1 fan? And do you want her to accompany you maybe only 4 times a year at the Opera as your favorite escort to the Opening Night Gala, and you go with a group of your Opera loving friends the other times?
Third Important Question for Couples to Discuss: What About Your Shared Coupledom Finances?
Differing talents and strengths do attract. She might be a CPA with significant structure, strategy, and system, while you take a more laissez-faire approach. In all likelihood, she adores how you contribute a sense of fun and adventure to her life while she adds some structure and is a good sounding board, helping you to say “No” to yourself a bit more than you otherwise would. These sort of differences the two of you do need to discuss. You also need to discuss differences in income, investing, 401Ks, IRAs, and retirement plans.
Just because there are differences, those need not be points for breaking up. Rather they can serve to become points for deepening your relationship for lasting emotional intimacy on top of that marvelous physical chemistry intimacy you two share. Often our differences are what contribute to romantic chemistry.
There is so much for couples to discuss and communicate about to building lasting intimacy. These tips and topics should serve the two of you well to creating a lifetime of love together.