Many Lesbians have experienced the predicament of having romantic feelings for a straight woman. If you are a Lesbian and find yourself infatuated with a straight woman, better yet a married woman, tell yourself WHOA!
Let’s paint a hypothetical scenario with a married woman. You have an emotional connection and a physical attraction for a married woman; however, there has not been any “real” indication that she is attracted to you. To continue on with the scenario, she is having major relationship issues with her husband and has been confiding with you. You are hearing some very intimate details and feeling her sadness, anger, confusion, and a bunch of other emotions. She is trying to decide what to do: divorce, counseling, separation. The two of you meet regularly for lunch a couple of times per week. You want to help her, rescue her from her awful marriage, and make her feel happy again. Take Heed: Although she may be in the process of getting a divorce or separating from her husband, that does not mean she will leave the “hetero” team.
It may not be so unusual for a Lesbian to have feelings for a straight woman. However, the actions taken (i.e. express feelings or not) determine everything. Acting on your feelings could be disastrous to the friendship.
First, people do not arbitrarily switch and vacillate between being heterosexual and homosexual. Even if someone did, heartbreak would surely ensue. Remember that old adage: You cannot be something you are not.
Second, based on the “married woman scenario”, ending a marriage is very disruptive to one’s established world. The person needs space, time, support and less confusion. If you confess your love to this woman at this time, you will be sorely disappointed with her reaction. Although YOU may be ready to progress the relationship to another level, she probably is not.
Third, straight women are not accustomed to dealing with another woman’s affectionate interests; they do not view other women as potential lovers. They seek female friendships to have confidants and companions to do stuff with. They size-up other women based on appearance, jobs, parenting, marital status, hobbies and interests, neighborhoods, church and community involvement… not on sexual or romantic interest.
I was married; however, I suspected there was something “not straight” about me! When I finally realized that I had been denying my sexuality, only then did I feel compelled to do something. I actually made the first move on my soon-to-be girlfriend. Let me emphasize this point: I first was certain (actually fairly certain) that I was Gay before I would kiss the girl.
If you find yourself in this situation and you are bound and determined to find out whether your lady friend has any inclination on having a romantic relationship with you, consider using a disguised approach. Initiate a conversation based on the “hypothetically, if you were Gay” theme. She may tell you, without being awkward, that she is not Gay. Then, what’s the point in pursuing her.
Regardless, you may still feel compelled to throw it out there to see what happens. If you tell her that you are attracted to her and she is not prepared for this confession nor is she interested, then the awkwardness and the “elephant in the room” will be felt and exist between the two of you probably forever. Be prepared for anything, including fewer lunch dates and having an awkward friendship.
Straight women are just that…Straight. You cannot change them!