Why can one of the most wonderful gifts God has given to man cause so much pain to so many? Why does it leave most people hurt and frustrated? Some even consider it a traumatic experience. I am, of course, referring to love.
But it should not be that way. Like all of God’s creations, love is made to make us happy, fulfilled, and gives us a preview into what is in store for us in Heaven. It is us who make love painful and frustrating. Hence, it is us who can make it a blissful experience as it is really meant to be.
First of all, let us discard the myth about love that poets inculcate in us. They insist that love, to be fulfilling, should be reciprocated. The truth is, Love can stand alone on its own. It is unlike the proverbial tango that takes two to do it. Love is a special feeling that can be savored and enjoyed in itself. Love is the best thing that can happen to anyone but it does not necessarily need to be reciprocated. True love is unconditional. It thinks only of the loved one’s welfare and happiness, not of itself, so it expects nothing in return. No less than the Bible says so:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
However, our love is usually conditional. It is based not on how we really feel but more on how the focus of our love behaves towards us. Since we have very little control, if at all, over others’ feelings and reactions, this is a most shaky basis to hold on to. The unreliability of human nature, the personal biases, and mood swings of others make us feel very insecure, unhappy, and miserable throughout our relationships. These usually contribute to the pain and frustration in our experience with love.
Being happily in love depends entirely to our mindset, our personal perspective towards it. To expect love to be returned with same intensity as we give it is to invite disappointments and heartaches. Take for example the celebrities who are loved and adored by million. These celebrities are not expected to love back with equal intensity the millions who love and adore them. If this line of thinking prevails, jealousy, heartbreaks, crimes of passion caused by unrequited love, broken marriages caused by insecure partners, will be things of the past. Simply be in love and be happy because being in love is a blessing in itself. For it to be reciprocated is extra privilege given to a lucky few who fall in love – not to be demanded by one and by all.
In case love flies out of the window, trying to win it back will not do any good. When one’s affection is lost to others, no use fighting and running after it. If ever someone succeeds in getting somebody back by coercion in any form, things will never be the same in the relation. A beautiful vase, once cracked, can never be set back to its former self. Peace of mind is gone. Distrust and jealousy will forever haunt the relationship. Getting into a new one may not be easy but is the better and less expensive alternative.
We can enjoy love without the pain and heartaches usually associated with it, the same way we can appreciate a rose without the thorns, if we will only shift our point of view towards it.