In discussing all of the behaviors and mores of the contemporary singles dating sene, there is a high percentage of mature modern singles who are divorced and back to dating again. Well, for the divorced single women, many of them consider their names and are pondering to return to using their maiden name. And some don’t even think of taking back their maiden name until they are out with their girlfriends sipping and imbibbing a glass of wine of a G&T out on their monthly Girls Night Out and a girlfriend suddenly pipes up and says to her, “You are going to take your maiden name back!”
Her single girlfriend really utters it more as a statement of fact, you start to notice. She didn’t really pose it as a question to you. And perhaps by now you are onto your second glass of merlot. You retort back to her and to your gathered posse of BFFs as you declare, “Of course I’m taking back my maiden name!”
And then later on back at home, as you look in the bathroom mirror, taking your make up off, noticing a wrinkle line around your eyes as you reflect on yourself in your mirror reflection as you brush and floss your teeth… “Do I really want to take back my maiden name? I’ve used my married for so many years…”
How Long Did Your Marriage Last?
How long were the two of your married? How long did you use your husband’s last name, now your ex-husband’s last name? If you were married just a short period of time, then you might not really feel that your married name became part of your identity. If you were married for more than 5 year, 10 years, 15 years, or over 20 plus years, quite often your married name was what you used for a long time. Your married name has become part of your identity. You divorced, you didn’t stop being yourself.
Did You Have Children from Your Former Marriage?
Do you and your ex-husband have children together? Do you have any children who have your ex-husband’s last name? For divorced single women who are now divorced single moms, quite often your having children with the same last name as you do is one of the items to seriously consider when pondering changing your last name back to your maiden name. How old are your children? Are they adolescents and teenagers? Will their crowd of friends at school ask them and grill them about why they have a different last name than their mother if you take back your maiden name? Many of your children’s peers are from divorced families as well. However, any little difference we have from our teen can suddenly become something for which they tease your child. It might be socially easier for your kids if you keep the same last name that they have.
Do You Want to Celebrate a New Single Woman Identity Now?
Whether you were married 25 years, 17 years, or 3 years, some divorced women have a desire to celebrate a whole new identity for themselves. Often they might feel free with a new sense of independence. Perhaps they married young right out of high school or college in response to a family pressure or cultural expectation. And now that they are older and emerging free and unencumbered from their former marriage, they have a desire to celebrate their new found independence and self-determination. So they crave casting off their married last name and re-embracing a self-actualized identity with their maiden name. Perhaps they are starting a new career or embarking on college or university studies….
This is the 21st century now. As a modern single woman, it is entirely your free choice to decide on your name and to determine what last name you want to use now. Consider these 3 questions for yourself as you choose what it is that you want for yourself, your new life, your family, and your self-identity. Only then can you respond freely and answer on your own, not your girlfriends deciding, or your family determining your answer for you…. Do you want to take back your maiden name or keep your married name? It’s your choice and you are free to choose and determine your life and identity for yourself now.