Divorce is a very stressful transition for families but rest assured that in most situations (about 80{0d344128b9dc3e1b34e90cc80856d1b8d47f216c439c96543b7bb0e9f3734051}), your children will adjust emotionally within one to two years after the initial separation.
The key to making this life transition manageable for you kids is to minimize the tension and conflict between you and your ex-spouse. Hostility and aggressiveness between parents can leave deep and lasting wounds on your kids.
With some planning, self awareness, and effort, you can make your children feel safe and loved. Here are some ideas on how to help your family survive and ultimately thrive through divorce…
You MUST have someone to talk to. Your emotional stability goes a long way toward stabilizing your child’s emotions during this difficult period of transition. I may be biased because I am a mental health professional BUT I truly believe that counseling at this point in your life can help you a lot. Divorce therapy will give you the opportunity to discuss and process emotions regarding your divorce or separation and build skills to move forward. Counseling can also help you learn how to effectively co-parent.
Set up structure and routines immediately. Stability, Stability, Stability. That’s the key for kids of any age when their parents are going through divorce. Parenting plans need to be crafted with an understanding of your children’s need for predictability and routine.
Remember to communicate with your kids, a lot. As I said above, change is much easier to handle when you have a little time to mentally prepare for it. Keep the communication channel open so that your children know that you will be there for them. You don’t have to force them to talk, just let them know that you are there.
Perfection is not an option. Try to be compassionate with yourself. Divorce is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. You will make mistakes as you and your children make your way through this divorce. Learn from them and move on.
Manage Your Anger. Divorce is fraught with tension and, sometimes, anger. There’s no stopping that. But, you can – no, you must – refrain from showing that anger toward your partner in front of the kids. Studies have shown that it’s not the divorce that hurts your children, it’s the level of conflict they live with that leaves lasting scars.
If you enter into a new relationship, make sure your children are brought into the picture very slowly. The kids have got enough to deal with right now. If they feel any pressure to like a new person in your life, their reaction is bound to be negative.
Divorce is an ending but it is also a beginning to a new life chapter. With a little planning, self awareness, and effort you can create the emotional safety your kids need to thrive.