The only way to get into a man’s heart is to let him into yours. A man can lust after a hot body, a sassy attitude and a li’l red lipstick, but the only way to truly attract a man and HOLD his interest is to give him a reason to deeply care for you. If you really want to know how to attract a man, using your vulnerability is the way to go.
What Do I Mean By Your Vulnerability?
I don’t just mean be a sappy, willowy woman who tears up at the sight of baby deer (I do this, but that’s beside the point). By vulnerability, I mean exposing your feelings about ANYTHING, good or bad. That means sadness AND anger… and excitement, anxiety, nervousness, etc.
By vulnerability I mean sharing your TRUE feelings about any and everything. Now, I don’t mean your opinions, which are fine to share, but your opinions won’t make him feel more in love with you. They may make him respect you, admire you, think you are great, cool, fun, smart, witty, etc. But your feelings will make him feel HIS feelings for you. Shared opinions makes for great friends but shared feelings create love.
I want you to share your feelings about the little things as much as about the big things: a certain restaurant, the weather, your favorite movie. Instead of sharing your opinions about these things from a cerebral place; “That movie was excellently directed”, share your feelings from your heart; “The way that movie was directed made me feel so sympathetic for the main character. My heart bleed for her.” And allow your emotions to match your words. Allow yourself to get into your feelings and to share them without walls or pretense. Don’t push out fake feelings, just trust in him enough to share authentic emotion.
You will immediately become a more passionate person in his eyes. You will steam with life and allure. He will think you are more sensual, sexier, sultry… A woman who is in touch with her emotions (not drama, just passion about life) stirs up a man’s own emotions, much like a yawn makes another person yawn. Men with strong masculine energy are thinkers and doers, and feminine energy helps to balance this and keep men in the moment. When a woman has strong feminine energy, she has the power to be a man’s vacation from thought. After all, love isn’t about reason/logic/ration… it’s best served with a garnish of passion-zest!
How Do I Expose My Vulnerability?
Exposing your vulnerability is scary, especially if you are used to relating with men from a mental and/or physical place (your conversation or your sex). To help with this I offer the forcefield technique to aid women in feeling more comfortable getting out of their heads and into their hearts.
Imagine you have a forcefield around you every time you relate with men. Inside the forcefield walls, you are safe to feel whatever you want and speak these feelings without worrying whether you will be judged. You are emotionally FREE within your forcefield. You can relax into your feelings, take time to take inventory of your feelings and expose your feelings without worry of being attacked for having them.
To help feel safe within an imaginary forcefield, make sure you can feel the impenetrability of your forcefield’s walls. Are they made up of powerful, atom-blasting energy, like a forcefield in a SCIFI movie? Are they a ring of fire, singeing every male rejection that dares to touch its flame? Is the forcefield wall made of the wallpaper from your room as a child where you always felt safe to go. I worked with one woman who imagined she was inside her favorite teddy bear from childhood. Don’t judge your choice (or the idea of the forcefield), just allow your mind to get creative about finding a way to make you feel COMFORTABLE & SAFE within your personal space.
Most people who have a hard time expressing vulnerability have been shamed in some way in the past when they once shared their feelings. Probably as a child, someone (a parent, sibling, peer, teacher) repeatedly shamed (or ignored) them, and now they have a hard time exposing their true emotions (or even knowing what they are).
A forcefield helps you tackle this IRRATIONAL fear that many of us have– this fear that something harmful will happen to us if we share our feelings. A lot of women have a hard time sharing feelings with men, feeling that the man is going to violate their openness in some way. It’s a very scary feeling that isn’t understood as much as it is felt deep down. A forcefield allows you to trust enough to allow your deep fears to subside enough for vulnerability to surface inside you and come out.
Next time you are with a man, remind yourself that you are safe inside your forcefield walls and that you can: melt into a man’s touch, let your eyes linger on his when he speaks to you, giggle at his teasing, cry at his wounding words, etc.
Exposing your vulnerability fully to a man may even make you feel so nervous, you’ll shake. Let yourself tremble. It’s okay to expose your nerves around a man. It’s normal for a lot of women to cry at the gentle, caring touch of a man, especially if she has never allowed herself to melt into his touch. Let him see, feel, hear (experience FULLY) YOUR emotional experience. It will make him feel honored to know you so well. It will melt his heart for you.
Even your anger can melt his heart and make him love you more. Without directing your anger at him, express it fully. You can scream, yell, cry, fall to your knees. You can look at him and say “I am so angry right now.” Just don’t push him away with your anger by walling yourself off. If he comes toward you, let him comfort you in a heated moment. Don’t turn her back on him or stiffen up, let him make good on his mistake (or comfort you for pain someone else has caused you). Show him that he doesn’t have to fear your expressions of hostility– that he is safe around you even when you are upset. This will make him very attracted to you.
Knowing how to attract a man using your vulnerability makes you a master at building human connection. We can’t expect someone to love us, if we do not let them in. Sometimes it’s hard to let a man in even when we want to. Some of us are victims of a cold, harsh society and have shutdown emotionally. Do you feel NOTHING (numb, cloudy-headed) when a man tries to emotionally connect through intimate touches and words? If so, you can change this. If you continue to work on feeling safe within these intimate moments (staying present in your thoughts and even sharing with him that you have intimacy issues), you will slowly melt this coldness in your heart and will start to feel real tenderness in your soul. This tenderness is a male aphrodisiac!