You have been seeing this one special guy exclusively for over three years and you thought marriage was likely, somewhere in the future, and then one night, with no warning, he says it’s over.
To say you were surprised doesn’t begin to describe it. It’s like something that came out of nowhere, blindsided you. You’re stunned, dazed, unable to comprehend what just happened. Your eyes are raw from crying.
It takes a while to pick up the pieces of unexpected and total devastation. You thought you had a great relationship. Somehow, he kept his real feelings disguised so that you had no idea it was coming. Being on the receiving end of such a shocking blow gives one’s self esteem a serious set back. You could spend the next week, walking around in a daze, and many thoughts racing through your mind. He wasn’t mean or abusive in any way. Still friends, but the relationship is over. And probably frantic, bewildered, you spend the next several days trying to phone or text him. Of course, no response.
Time to Move On
You could do what the majority of dumpees do–pick up the pieces and move on. Of course, borrowing a page from the Getting Dumped Etiquette book, as painful as it is, stop calling, don’t drive by his place, or to those places you used to hang out and try focusing on other things. And when your friends ask, as difficult as it may be to say, and totally contrary to what you really feel, your response is: It’s over, It wasn’t working out. I’m moving on.
Now, of course, the reason the break up was like a bolt out of the blue, from nowhere,is because you thought your relationship was really special, and both of you were very happy. But now, after this, how could there be any possibility of getting your ex boyfriend back?
You–Sherlock Holmes?
It is quite likely, that if you go back and sort through “evidence” of your relationship you will find clues to the real cause of the break up. It’s almost a given, that whatever the reason he gave you for the break up, that wasn’t really it, or it was only part of the real reason. Think back–which one of you usually took the lead when deciding on what to do, where to go, etc. Did you usually defer to him or was it usually left to you to decide? The reason this is important is that…
Most Men Have an Ego, and Like to Feel They Are in Control.
If he was constantly deferring to your wishes, he may not have said anything, but over time the cumulative effect took it’s toll and he likely didn’t quite know how to broach the subject, and rather than risk making a scene, decided to bail. Sounds preposterous, but it happens every day. So what to do?
Looking back on the things you did, was he an unwilling participant or were you an unwilling participant in things he liked, or didn’t participate at all. Could you picture yourself getting involved in an activity that was meaningful to him if it might lead to you getting your ex back?
Whether this was a factor in the break up or not, it might be a way to get your ex boyfriend back.