When trying to find your love, and you meet someone, that first flush of meeting hits you and makes your blood rush and your heart beat rapidly. Yes, the potential of love is the primary driver of this newly budding relationship. At this time, the fear of commitment isn’t ready to rear its ugly head. This will come later as the relationship seemingly begins to stabilize and settle on firmer ground. Couples have yet to spend enough time together for each person to become fully aware of perceived flaws in the other.
It seems that friends turning into lovers is the easier path to follow. People that have been friends for some period of time are generally aware of many of the apparent flaws in the other person. Pre-armed with this knowledge, the budding relationship is much more stable in the beginning and its chances of success are much greater. Still, the friends-into-lovers scenario does not kill the fear of commitment in many couples. Unfortunately, this commitment fear, when present, takes the keystone out of most relationships and, unless it is overcome, will most certainly doom the relationship to failure.
To understand the fear of commitment we must recognize its roots:
Do you fear failure in a relationship?
Are you afraid to trust?
Do you let other people define who you are?
Are you able to commit to anything?
Do you have control issues?
Any or all of these things define fear of commitment in a general way. People with a fear of commitment tend to have relationships with only one foot in the circle. They are always looking about for other possibilities and potential partners. They seem to be uncertain of what they want out of life and/or what they want from a partner. In not knowing, they aren’t sure what they want or need to create a firm relationship that can lead to a life long journey of joy.
If you have met someone, and you are in that first flush, you will probably be running the typical track of the dinner, movie and dancing cycle of most beginnings. During this cycle comes the exploration of interests, goals and desires that are brought out in normal conversations. This leads to knowledge and feelings about compatibility. If you are at the opposite ends of life choices, odds are that even though there is a strong physical attraction, this love will eventually wind down and crash.
Let’s take a positive approach and assume that you have found what you believe to be the right person. You have more common interests than differences and obviously enjoy being with each other. Yet how you handle the differences can tell the tale. Are you willing and able to sacrifice your own desires for the other person when it is needed? Remember, true love is unconditional and win/lose scores aren’t kept. Keeping score leads to hurt, frustration and a parting of the ways. Instead, focus on the good things and times you have shared. Show your partner how much you value them and your relationship. Let them know that without them you are incomplete and they will reciprocate in kind.
To find your love, and keep it, you must first know or understand yourself. Without this self-awareness, it is much more difficult to form a permanent relationship that fulfills you and your partners needs.