I have been thinking about real life lately. It’s a good thing and I recommend it.
It is important that there be open communication between employers, employees, and customers; and between family members.
I have heard and read of people getting in groups to talk. They might sit around a table or on the lawn in a circle. They pass a tangible object around the circle. It could be a paper clip or a pen, but I’ve heard of people using things from hammers and hatchets to stuffed animals and small toys. Only the person holding the object can talk. Everyone else must wait for their turn to speak. I’ve never participated in such an event. Presumably the purpose is to get people to talk honestly without being judged or interrupted. I think it’s a good idea and could solve some difficult communication and emotional roadblocks.
But as I say, I have been thinking of real life lately. I have thought of my last few jobs, and what it would be like if such an activity were undertaken. In real life I would not venture to speak because I would be afraid of losing my job. Yes, I have had bosses and supervisors like that. It’s not that I would say nasty things if I opened my mouth, but I would respect the process and if I said anything, I would want to bring up things that I saw that could be improved or that needed to be understood. I made the mistake of trying to talk honestly to one of my last few bosses, and I could tell this boss was quite offended, even though I did not say anything offensive or in an offensive way. And by the way, taking offense is a choice, and a person can choose not to be offended, especially if it is obvious that the other person was trying only to be honest and constructive, and not offensive. I wished I had not said anything to this boss. I have wondered if that were what caused me to be laid off sooner than later. In time, almost the entire company was laid off, so I suppose it really doesn’t matter. Maybe if the boss had been a little more open to honest communication, there would have been no reason to lay anyone off. But I have serious reservations about speaking openly and honestly to a boss or supervisor anymore.
I try to remember to be on high alert in close, adult relationships for the same reasons. It seems few people respect constructive honesty, and are quick to take offense.
That is tragic. We humans can’t live without each other, and we can’t get better without communicating with each other. If we have to beat around the bush and walk on egg shells, even when we’re trying to be nice, it is difficult for synergy, understanding, and betterment to occur.
If we are bosses or supervisors, we must rearrange our personal philosophies such that we cannot be offended. If someone deliberately tries to offend us, we can let it go and walk away. If someone tries to help us and the organization we lead, we should want to investigate anything said for or against us and work with others to get better and to make things better. It is too common for a boss or supervisor to be unhappy that anyone–employee or customer–might think that there is anything wrong with the way he or she is running the department or the company, or with the products or services offered. Thus the products, services, department, and company remain mediocre.
If we are employees, we should be eager to have feedback from our employers about how we can improve and how we can contribute, get better, and have more responsibility in the company. The company should train employees in customer service, but if not, employees should train themselves in being respectful of customers, and in being appreciative of customers pointing out ways the company, products, and services can be improved, even when the customer does so in a cranky or whining way. The possibility of improvement could still be very valid.
As married adults we must listen to each other. One of the major purposes of a spouse is to lovingly and constructively help us improve ourselves and the relationship.
I keep thinking of real life, and how scary it is to be honest with other people, even in helpful ways, and to strive for understanding. Certainly people can be nicer and more gentle about communicating with each other and with the words and phrases used. If anyone could bring up anything to someone else without the second person trying to literally or figuratively tear the first person’s face off, what understanding and improvement could occur!