Verbal abuse is one of the most frequent forms of domestic violence. People outside of the home cannot easily see the signs that this type of activity is taking place within the home. People within the home often try to make excuses for their abuse, and often times they even believe the things their abuser tells them.
You really should try not to confront the verbal abuser when they are in the midst of a rampage. Arguing with the individual will cause them to become more abusive and could lead to physical violence. When someone starts to hurl insults at you, curse you, or any other form of verbal degradation you need to try to allow your mind to go somewhere else.
Try to concentrate on something that brings you happiness or peace. Allow yourself to escape in your mind and essentially to not hear the awful comments that the other person is making. One way to help you to do this is to control your breathing and physically count one when you breathe in and two when you breathe out. Repeat this process over and over until you have control over your pulse, and you slow your breathing so you are relaxed.
Another thing you have to realize about a verbal abuser is that they are shouting obscenities, and comments that are designed to degrade you, hurt your feelings, and get a reaction from you. Do not allow them to get the satisfaction of making you cry, or making you defend yourself, or of making you have any reaction at all. Concentrate on your breathing and allow your mind to take you to your happy place. You are in control there and the abusive language cannot hurt you.
If you respond to someone that is hurting you verbally with comments by trying to hurt them with comments you are only going to escalate the commentary. You are also going to make the abuser become more agitated and more likely to hurt you in a physical manner. Do not respond to these individuals with comments designed to hurt them back. If you must speak then soothingly tell them you understand and that you will work to correct the problem.
Do not give a long speech to these individuals that will sound like you are patronizing them. Simply tell them in a very calm voice that you hear them and that you understand what they are saying. Do not believe what they are saying about you because they are merely trying to hurt you. They actually use their words as weapons, and as we all know, when you use words as weapons the scars never go away.
If you are living in a verbally abusive situation you need to try and get out of it. Try getting help from a pastor or a counselor. Sometimes the person that is verbally abusive can be helped with therapy. Sometimes they are abusive because that is what they learned as a child and they do not know any other way of handling their emotions. Sometimes the abuse stems from their own sense of inadequacy and they attack the people they love the most because they are the only people that would accept an attack of that nature.
Verbal abuse is one of the most frequently committed forms of abuse. You cannot engage an individual in conversation while they are acting abusive in this manner, but there are things you can do to possibly diffuse the situation, and protect your sanity.