Deciding to get a divorce can be one of the hardest decisions a couple can make. It is not only a hard decision, but it can also consume a lot of time and money. But what can actually make the divorce decision so much more painful, is when there are children involved.
Preparing children for divorce can just be plain tricky, but how the children are affected often depends on how well their parents handle the whole process. Parents who end their marriage in a mature and healthy way can reduce the negative effects on their children.
First, you want to all sit down as a family with both parents present and tell all the children together about the divorce. Make sure you do not go into any of the legal aspects or any of the problems in the marriage. This is not a time to assign blame and you never, ever want to get into an argument in front of them.
Take this time to talk to them in a very calm and understanding tone. Tell them you still care for each other. You can even say you will still be “good friends” so that it doesn’t seem like such an abrupt ending.
It is best your children know one parent will be leaving the home, but that this parent will still be in the child’s life. They can still talk each day to the parent who is leaving and still see each other often. Be sure to reassure them it is not because of anything they did that you both decided to divorce.
Let them ask any questions they may have about the new situation. This is very important as children will be curious… and knowing how to deal with it in their terms will help them to accept it much easier.
If your children are not ready to talk about their feelings with you, give them the time and space they need. Let them know they are really loved by both parents and both parents will still be in their life. Since they will probably become sad or upset, reassure them they are not losing either parent, just that you will no longer be living together. Offer your children as much support as possible so they can get through this difficult time as easily as it is possible.
Being there for your children and listening to their worries and concerns will help them to better prepare for what is to come. Be as honest with them as possible without going into all the reasons for the divorce. All children will more than likely handle the divorce differently, so be ready for their reactions and be supportive to their feelings. Being open can help them to handle this difficult time in a healthy and stable way.