Writing about key ingredients of successful relationships is fairly easy. However, finding good examples of successful lesbian relationships is not as easy. Relationships, regardless if they are same-sex or heterosexual, are challenging. They demand commitment, attention and perseverance. Then on top of the usual challenges of relationships, the same-sex couples have to contend with the intrusion of societal pressures and attitudes.
Frequently, I am asked, “Why do lesbian relationships seem to not last longer than 3 years?” I am not certain that is necessarily true. Long-term lesbian relationships often go unnoticed because they are not involved in community drama! They maintain normal, balanced lives that emanate stability.
Sure, there are lesbians who enter relationships with “exit plans”; they are prepared for things to not work out. The relationship’s demise may be attributed to ignorance about how-to live as a couple. For instance, they do not have joint plans or ownership about anything. They maintain inventory of who owns what: furniture, kitchen stuff, lawnmower, grill, office desk, bedding, etc. They do not plan their lives together; they do not grow together; they do not dream together.
The length of a relationship does not always mean it is happily successful. Some couples stay together because they fear the unknown of separation more than they dread staying together. However, for those lesbian couples who are blessed with happy relationships, have highlighted key elements that contribute to their success:
Lots of love – Keep the passion alive
Compatibility on key issues – Politics, religion, kids, purchases, money
Communication – Listen and try to understand
Remember the Small Things – Show that you pay attention to details and to what is important
Trust – Have no secrets and be transparent
Respect – Appreciate each other and have an equal partnership
Consideration – Put her first in your world
Date Night – Keep the romance alive – Get off the couch!
Make each other top priority
Say you’re sorry and Mean it
Compassion and Empathy – Try to understand and see her perspective
Sense of Humor – It will get you through the ups and downs
Patience – Allow Tolerance
Flexibility – Rigidity only creates issues.
Balance Individual Interests and Joint Interests – Make time for both. Do not compete with each other.
It is possible to have a lasting lesbian relationship. There are many loving lesbian couples to prove it. You have to be willing to live as a couple; be willing to concern yourself with the needs and well-being of another.