No person ever declared it would be easy repairing your relationship after an affair. You still cherish your mate and have no wish to get a divorce. Your mate feels the same. They did wrong yet want to do everything possible to fix the damages.
Which is admirable but you cannot help but wonder exactly why your spouse did not consider this before making the decision to cheat. Regardless of how hard they are trying to make things right their behavior has jeopardized the marriage. Besides dealing with the shattered trust after cheating there is the overwhelming emotional pain.
You can’t eliminate the negative thoughts from your mind or just that your own self-esteem took a serious blow. You feel like you’re going insane but nonetheless you’re determined to get past this so that you can rescue your marital relationship. But at this point you have to take a step back to consider are your efforts to rebuild actually working?
There are some things to look for that can help greatly when it comes to tracking the progress.
1. Emotional Outbursts
With regards to marriage after infidelity, the conversation between you and your spouse can be very strained. This is not uncommon. Even so, if the most of the discussions develop into shouting matches then there is certainly quite a ways to go. Both of you have made the choice to remain together and for that reason fixing two way communication is essential.
Undoubtedly your feelings are going to overwhelm you from time to time. You really want your mate to understand what their careless behavior did to you. But if that is the way it’s going to be from now on then fixing the marriage after infidelity will be most difficult if not impossible.
2. Judge and Jury
What your spouse did was wrong. Regrettably you extend that to every part of the marriage. You act as if it is your duty from now on to pass sentence on every thing you spouse says and does. In a weird way their unfaithfulness has given you a sense of power you never experienced before. Their infidelity is the green light you needed to take over the marriage.
The disloyal spouse might go along with this out of guilt however the odds are it will not last. At some point in time they will snap out of it and return to their old habits. It’s not that you have no right to feel the way you do. It just means you have to exercise balance within the marital relationship.
3. Self-Sacrifice
You question why you should be the one to sacrifice anything after an affair. But if you wish to save your marriage there will be occasions that you have to take a deep breath and practice a little humility for the good of the marriage.
If you observe your wife or husband getting overwhelmed by many of their household responsibilities then help out. Whether they deserve the help is not the issue. The point is you’re saying to your mate that the both of you are in this thing together. That’s a powerful indicator this marriage after infidelity is on the right path to recovery.