In most marriages, when divorce happens, it is only one partner who wants to dissolve the partnership. Chances are the other spouse would rather see things remain as they were or possibly work at fixing what’s wrong with the marriage instead. While divorce is a hard decision for anyone, it is obviously more challenging for the partner who doesn’t want to get divorced at all. They are left feeling rejected, lost, angry, confused, desolate, and hopeless. What would you do if it happened to you? Would you respond to all of these negative feelings by crying, yelling, or trying to pressure him or her into staying with you? How would you go about trying to stop the divorce from happening?
If you had thought that you’d use any of the methods mentioned above, you’d discover they would only have resulted in you pushing your spouse farther away and reinforcing the idea that divorce is the only possible course of action. There’s just no way that negative actions are going to result in a positive reaction. The only thing you can do to move the situation in your favor is stay calm, no matter how the emotions are roiling around inside you. Only then will you be able to communicate effectively, present your case clearly and honestly, and encourage your spouse to feel that there are reasons why the marriage should be saved.
Start by remembering the happier times at the beginning of your relationship. Think about things your spouse told you that he or she really loved about you. Have you changed from the person you were then? Could it be that while your loved one has changed and evolved into a more mature version of themselves over the years, you’ve failed to keep up? There are lots of questions you need to ask yourself in order to discover why your marriage may be on the rocks and what you think needs to happen in order to avoid divorce.
No matter what you think, however, it’s important that you get your spouse to talk to you about his or her feelings. You also need to listen to what they say. Don’t let yourself become defensive when you hear things you don’t like. Instead, use the feedback to help you figure out the right way to proceed. Just don’t try to change all of your spots at once, though, because you’ll only come across as phony. Take an open and honest approach to trying to resurrect your spouse’s positive feelings about you and your marriage.